1 Feb. 2012

Things seem to have changed since yesterday.  But first let me tell about yesterday!

It was a clear day; we were driving along in a beautiful land, getting ready to do the thing I have wanted most to do with the person I wanted most to do it!  What could be better?  Life is good.  I’m glad I said I wanted to come here to earth and get a body!....

We had an appointment with Jill and Carol in the afternoon, which, went well, considering everything.  If we were teaching Jill with another member, it would go much smoother, but Carol needs special attention, and that’s all right.  We are convinced that Carol needs these lessons as much as Jill.  She came out of a very abusive marriage just before she was baptized 20 years ago, and she doesn’t even remember her own baptism, let alone the reasons she was baptized!  No wonder she went immediately inactive!  She didn’t really understand the Gospel then, only the love and admiration she felt for the missionaries, and I think, the love she felt from them and from the Lord, and the members.  But now, listening to a couple of old, slow missionaries explain the atonement, etc. so carefully, as seniors are prone to do, she is gaining a testimony right along with Jill! 

We dearly love them both, but by the time we finished the lesson yesterday, Elder Ashby especially, was exhausted!  The Holy Spirit was really there, but it was a draining experience on us.  We left them, laden with gifts, as usual, and happy that the Lord is really in the work. 

Sister Smibert called on the phone from wherever they were in the mission to see how I was doing, and I was all glowing reports.  Elder Ashby helped me do a quick stir-fry, which even I enjoyed (Have you tried adding fish sauce along with soy sauce to your stir-fries?), and then while I cleaned up the kitchen, he took a nap.  Then it was off again to Institute!

Elder A. has been most diligent in making invitations, phone calls, visits, and preparations for this new course of Institute.  We haven’t had but maybe 12 or 15 at the most in the past in attendance.  Well, last night we had 24 there, and 1 or 2 more who will come in future!!  Everyone was so surprised when they all saw such a large group. 

Elder Ashby was magnificent!  He was in his element.  I looked around and saw big smiles on all their faces as they listened to his lesson.  Even I got to teach a portion!  Everyone was enjoying themselves, and didn’t want to go home at the end.  We sneaked out ahead, though, because again, he was drained and needed rest.  We went straight upstairs to get ready for bed.

That’s when things seemed to change.  I was suddenly shaking uncontrollably inside, and felt so fearful and vulnerable about this trigeminal neuralgia!  I suddenly knew that it would come back; and I couldn’t stop the trembling.  I felt ashamed of myself that I could be this lacking in faith, but I suddenly wanted to be home!  I wanted a good surgeon to take away this problem.  (Please, “let this cup pass from me”) I realized that maybe the reason things seemed so different was that the mega doses of narcotics I was given in hospital are finally getting flushed out of my body, and I am left feeling like somebody gave me a good sock in the jaw.  Is this a taste of how it feels to come off of addictive drugs?  My mind flies from one thing to another, and even my hands shake. 

I am worried that my doctor at home can’t get my medical records faxed out of the U.S. so that my doctor here can treat me.  Erin said they can’t fax internationally.  What do we do if I have another attack?

Well, I finally got to sleep, but I was still trembly and tearful this morning.  The young missionaries took our service assignment for us.  My husband has been so patient, so comforting, so understanding. 

He counseled me to get dressed and go about our normal routine as well as I could.  We had prayer, and I had a shower, careful not to let the water hit my face, etc. etc.  I feel some better now.  It’s hard for me to be calm about it, but I am trying very hard to think more positively, have faith in the Priesthood blessings I have been given and will be given.  I feel weak and ashamed of it.  

We are thinking that we will ask President Pemberton (Southern River Stake Pres.), Phil Baker, President Smibert (Australia Perth Mission Pres.), maybe Pres. Holder and Bro. Bailey (Albany Branch Presidency) and even Pres. Ellefson (Bridgetown Branch Presidency) to help Elder Ashby give me a blessing when we go to Perth for Stake Conference this weekend.  We would like to invite anyone who wishes to fast with us this Saturday-Sunday to lend your faith to ours to inspire my leaders to know what to do with me.  I would so like to finish my mission here if this can be controlled.  It’s hard to know whether we should just wait for another attack, (Oh, please!...) or to go home to get treatment, or wait on the doctor, or what!?